found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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