I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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