I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
