i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
