it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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