The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
