New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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