My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
