True but thats because hes a fetus.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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