Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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