had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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