That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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