Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
