apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
