How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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