just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
