dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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