Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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