i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We need a shit load of segways right now
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize