I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need to align my fucking chakras
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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