Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
