Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize