I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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