Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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