What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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