My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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