So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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