O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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