my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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