Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I will be naked everywhere
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize