Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
