yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
4 words: hood of his car
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
