Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
