You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Vodka?
Forever.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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