So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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