WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
