Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
