Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
