Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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