I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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