wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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