i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
