Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
