There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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