That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
