who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize