the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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