some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
