He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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