Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
