we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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