i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
