By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
