i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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