He is an equal opportunity slut.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
