Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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