the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
