why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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