I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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