turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This is the prime rib incident all over again
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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