i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
How's work?
Spinning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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