Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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