I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
