Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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