there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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