stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can I color on your dick again?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
