When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
